"Sorry, I suffer from BPV."

I mentioned in a few postings about weird side effects, trying desperately not to sound too much like my Mother. I love my Mother but she has a genetic predisposition to focus on health issues that may or may not be totally real. After all she does have “fibre myalgia”. In my opinion a manufactured disease that doctors made up when they can't figure out what is wrong with a patient. This condition is usually diagnosed when the patient hasn’t been totally honest with the doctor and the doctor becomes stumped by the weird list of symptoms. Sort of like a bad episode of the TV series House. I have tried my best to suppress this genetic predisposition, not that I haven’t caught myself a few times getting carried away with self diagnosis.

I thought the dizzy spells I have been having since the surgery were caused by this blasted sinus infection. Not so, according to my GP, I suffer from BPV or Benign Positional Vertigo. Quel Surprisssse! According to the Internet, small particles of garbage have come loose in my head. They have lodged themselves in the area of my inner ear that controls my balance. This area looks a bit like a snail shell. The Epley Maneuver is a set on exercises that cure this condition in over 85% of the cases. I have yet to complete the Epley Maneuver, instead I have come up with a few ideas where BPV could come in handy as an excuse for questionable behaviour. Feel free to add to the list.

Perhaps you have had one or two too many glasses of wine. When you stand up you are unsteady with your movement and perhaps slurr a word or two. This could be caused by BPV. Perhaps you are driving and have been distracted by conversation and something shiny on the side of the road. The local constable has pulled you over for driving erratically, this too could be caused by BPV. You bump into someone suggestively that you find attractive, this could be a caused by BPV or Cranial Rectal Insertion Syndrome (another condition that I occasionally suffered from).

The Cranial Rectal Insertion Syndrome is something alas that I will suffer from until I leave this planet for a better place. I’ll let you know how the Epley Maneuver goes, hopefully it will correct my Benign Positional Vertigo.

http://www.tchain.com/otoneurology/disorders/bppv/epley/first.html