The Torture Never Stops

Yes, I am quoting from a Frank Zappa song. In the background of the song there is someone moaning and screaming. I think it's my bowels.

It has been 6 weeks since Dr. M told me that my EF was too low. I finally got my test last Thursday at the 5 week mark. He has had the electronic posted results since that afternoon. Yet today I had to call his office to see if I could get some information. "No written documentation yet" and Dr.Mildenburger is out of the office this week but Ms Winehouse will leave him a note that I called.

Should I be pissed off, usually I have the Mildenburger Syndrome for only a few days. Now it's been six weeks, my stomach is a mess not to mention my attitude.

I think I'll call my trusty GP and see if he can suggest anything for my stomach and maybe see if he has the electronic version of the test results. There's a pro-active move for you, Just Reach Out and Grab the Specialist by His Horns. Well actually go around him to see the doctor you trust and maybe get an answer. We'll see won't we!

Barometers of Health

Just a little warning for those faint of heart or overly sensitive to the word Penis. Turn away now and read no further.

Please turn away, this may be too funny and the word Penis may be used a number of times.

Well at least I think it will be funny and probably filled with more information than you will ever need or ever wanted to know. The information you are about receive is based on years of observation and paticularly the past couple of years. It has been forced to the surface by the new and quite amusing Viagra commercials on TV. You know the ones where the sincere men talk about how Antiquing, Decorating, and Strolling almost ruined their lives.

Here's a little known fact I discovered. Much like the nose of a dog the male penis can be used as a Barometer of a Man's Health. When a dog's nose is damp and shiny the dog is in good health. When a dog's nose is dry and cracked something is lacking in the health department or it's day to day life. In man's case if a penis is blessed with good colouration and a firm demeanour the man is in good health. When a penis becomes pale and noodle like there is something wrong with with his health or there is something lacking in day to day life.

One might ask what can you do to help this pale noodle condition? It is quite simple really, one must evaluate one's life style and general health. Check your blood pressure if it is too low this may be a cause for concern. See your doctor. Perhaps a change of diet, more rest and drinking plenty of fluids may help. Cut back on alcohol, smoking and fatty foods there is nothing worse than a drunken, smokey fat penis.

Well that is all I have to say about man's little and sometimes not so little barometer. I didn't have much to do this morning, I was just noodling around the house and thought I would post something and share some knowledge.

"Without Deviation from the Norm, Progress is Not Possible." Frank Zappa

Still Waters run Pissed Off

Thursday I went and got Nuked Up for my EF test. I have had this test before. It involves a lot of waiting. First they put in an IV and put a little nuclear waste into your system. After thirty minutes the tech draws some blood out of your arm into a special syringe filled with more nuclear waste. Then you wait again.

In five minutes the tech comes back and puts the blood back into you. Now you will Light up the special MRI style camera. Each picture takes from five to fifteen minutes and as Anna the camera operator said this sets "The Gold Standard for EF Tests". In normal speak that means it's the most accurate.

I broke the Nuke Camera Speed record by being extremely still and produced the fastest EF test Anna had ever done. The first two pictures were done in just over five minutes each and the third was done in six minutes twenty seconds.

At the end of the test, I tried to dig some information out of Anna. She didn't give in saying, "You'll have the test results in a week to ten days, but Dr. Mildenburger has put a rush on this so he will have the results this afternoon."

He should have put a rush on it, I have been waiting since October 14th for this test. In the meantime I get to deal with phantom weird chest pains and anxiety attacks wondering what they are going to do with me.

If things are urgent I should get a call from the Electronic Boys. They may have to put in a De-Fibulator Device, this would kick in and shock the heart muscle into working properly.

Sounds like fun doesn't. I may have to retire from Big Box Work wouldn't want to Tazer any of the customers. It would be a mark on my permanent record.

Melon Head Update

Yes this me and no I am not applauding myself.
This is my 'Why I oughta' look.

'Why I oughta' not let my cardiologist get under my skin.
'Why I oughta' not worry about stuff.
'Why I oughta' change a few bad habits.

'Why I oughta' wait until I get the results of the next test and then maybe get excited.
Apparently I am going to have another test because my last Echo didn't show the improvement Mildenburger was looking for. My EF factor has not changed since the surgery, this is the amount of blood being pushed out of the heart when it beats. My level is too low and the test they did was not accurate enough. The test was done in early September and now in mid-October I feel better than before. However Uncle Mildey is being cautious. Now Merete has to put up with me while I shake off the Mildenburger Syndrome which I usually suffer from after every visit. Generally lasting 2 or 3 days.

What does this all mean? Like my old Cardio Doc Henderson said you may end up with a pacemaker. So more than likely I'll end up setting off all the metal detectors at the airport.

'Why I oughta' wait until the next test results and shut up. Here's a link to some information on EF. I found it interesting and not frightening at all.
http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/ejection-fraction.html

I'll blog you later.

Two Headed Dragons

One of the side effects of surgery is depression. It’s not that I’m unfamiliar with depression, I have suffered from it on and off for most of my life. It never lasted very long except one time. I did seek professional help and have been relatively good every since. The hospital doesn’t talk that much about depression, either does the doctors. They just give you a prescription and send you home. It’s not quite right, if I hadn’t recognised the name of the drug I wouldn’t have known any better. The problem is that silence doesn’t help you. Most anti-depressives have side effects and they effect everyone differently.


It has lots to do with the dosage, Bupropian in too high of a dose makes me anxious. I may not feel depressed but it feels like the walls are closing in when I travel anywhere. The other thing they need to tell you is that you have ease off these drugs. DON’T LET YOUR PRESCRIPTION LAPSE AND GO WITHOUT THE DRUGS FOR A FEW DAYS. The next thing you know you’ll meet the two headed dragon.

The two headed dragon slides up to you and starts to work. The head with the short neck starts to whisper things in your ear. Self doubt, questions your actions, reminds you of the things you should be doing. While it starts to whisper, the head with long neck begins gradually to wrap itself around you, starting at the bottom and working upwards. The next thing you know you are not sleeping well, you’re tired all the time. Puppies on TV start to make you cry and anything even remotely sentimental makes you well up. While this is going on the whispering continues and gets stronger. Your subconscious won’t let you be, the next thing know you are staring into space contemplating the pile of crap your life has become. What are you going to do?

You in your foggiest moment realises that your prescription has run out so you get back on your medication. That’s what you do. If you have never had any medication for depression, you go see your GP and explain to him or her what has been going on inside your melon. You take extra vitamin B50’s, go to bed early for a few days and let things get balanced out. Before you know it, your life isn’t a pile of crap, you stop beating yourself up and start to deal with the minor problems that have been bothering you. One problem at a time.

Anyway, my two headed dragon has started to uncoil from me, the whispering has become more of a mumble. It’s raining outside with sunny breaks much like life. I feel better having talked about after surgery depression. The pain I suffer from is minor now, my breathing is stabilizing, the problems I have to deal with are not so bad, I am almost ready to get back to work at the Big Box and I am glad to be alive.

Don’t forget to take your medication whatever it is.

Whazz Up ?

Some of you may be wondering how I'm doing and Whazz Up?

Well, I have been busy. I am still suffering from chest pains caused by being split open like a ripe melon with ribs. My heart is still running a little fast but we're working on that.

Like this Goldenrod Spider, I'm hanging out at home most of the time waiting for things happen.



I did manage to finished the big triptych I was working. I have been painting it in my mind since April and have been physically able to paint since early July.

It hurts, but by pacing myself and taking breaks I can do it. It did take a number of days to recover after completing this work. http://theravenshome.blogspot.com/

On Friday the paintings left for their new life in Toronto. No, it was not a sad occasion, if I kept all the paintings I do I wouldn't have any room to move. They are sort of like kids, you have them, you watch them grow, and then they leave. You still love them but you are happy that they have succeeded and have found a place in the world of their own. The only real difference is that you will always worry about the kids, not so much when it comes to paintings.

The proud father of two great successful daughters and the creator of a bunch of paintings that have found good homes.

Cardiologists & Amy without Tattoos

Yes, I have been dogging it a bit. I've been busy painting my buns off for the past 2 weeks. I did however make time to see Heir CardioMan last Wednesday.
He has reverted back to his ol' self and it was a bit like dealing with a 4x4 chunk of pressure treated wood. I can never tell whether I'm improving or not after a visit with Za Doctor. Apparently I'm still alive and have improved since the surgery. Sort of, kind of, maybe, like I said the heart is ticking away.


He took my blood pressure and then asked how it was when I took it at home. The other weird one was that he asked if "they" were monitoring my INR (warfarin blood thinner) or was somebody else. This made me laugh a bit. My GP is monitoring it with me. The other funny one was that he asked why I came to see him rather than the Cardio Surgeon. I explained I was told the visit was an either or situation and he was chosen. Apparently this made him feel special because he wants to see me again in six months. Joy oh bliss, yet another trip into town. I should feel happy that he is giving me such fine care especially after this visit, he actually got my name right.

The highlight of the visit was that I had an ECG by an Amy Winehouse lookalike. She didn't have Amy's tattoos but I was quite amused. The other cool thing was that ECG machines are now the size of 2 slices of bread stacked together and go directly into the laptop computer via the USB port. How Star Trekky is that?

All in all not a bad visit, I still have to check with my GP regarding my high pulse rate, my blood pressure is good but my pump is running at 93 beats. I have to go for an EKG or for those of you back east a Doppler on August 2oth. This test will look at my Dacron Aorta Root repair, the surgeon likes to appreciate his own work.

I don't mean to sound cynical but when I re-read this I thought I should clarify something. I do appreciate the fine work both the cardiologist,the surgeon, the fabulous nurses and staff of Royal Jubilee Hospital. I thank them for keeping me alive. If I can't poke a little fun their way and keep my twisted sense of humour intact I wouldn't be doing my job and that wouldn't be any fun at all, might as well become a ....................... . I'll leave it to you folks to decide, just pick the most boring occupation and insert into the blank.